Stew of Shame with some fries of Blame and with Slackery for Dessert

HI!

omg! it lives! this blog still lives modafocas! An entire year without saying a thing! some record of mine! Oh you guys didn't know? I entered on a challenge called " How long will I not touch my blog", and I think I suceeded! :D

OK, enough. I know, I know.... damn... 2014! Where was I? Roaring, according to my last entry...

I did roar, but not on this blog, shamelessly. After an epic last entry, I shoulda...woulda...coulda... BAH.

2014 was a transition year, and a good one and did compensate the last one, I will highlight some stuff (I'll try D: )

- I did many more illustrations than I usually do in a year.

- I've finally moved out from my parents house FOR GOOD. 

- I started freelancing for realsies. 

- I got into another game studio.

- I fuckin' have a house of my own. FUCKING FINALLY.

- I've made many more new fans and friends.

- Everyone now wants a piece of me. 

Some remarkable 2014 marks that still warm my heart:

At the beginning of this year, I entered a challenge called "Disney Pin-up girls" in the ImagineFX Forum. I entered just for fun since it wasn't an official challenge they used to make, and because of the idea of having Rapunzel hanging somewhere without clothes.

I have won the challenge (winning streak :P). The ImagineFX magazine publisher somehow noticed my work and he wanted to publish it in the magazine... You know, the digital art magazine that every professional artist purchases (well, almost every artist, professional and amateur like me). THEY INVITED ME TO PUBLISH MY WORK ON THEIR MAGAZINE. It's not like I asked them to display my portfolio there ( they often display some portfolios in the magazine). I also got invited to display it though :P but I felt that my portfolio wasn't strong enough, so I declined... I DECLINED THEIR INVITATION. Maybe some day, who knows ;_; It was very memorable for me. This was one of the reason why I've started freelancing officially.

Here's some 2014 stuff:

 Believe me, I did sooooooo much more.  I just can't upload it yet because of some copyright issues.

Oh and I've moved out from my parents' home, for real ( not like the other times), I've started to live in the capital. Long story short, I've started on a freelance job that required me to live in Lisbon. So yeah... the rest is history ( I was supposed to talk about how I started to live in Lisbon, but things got out of hand in the beginning and I prefer not to ruin my beautiful art blog with sad and angry stuff).

And I also started working on a game studio! YAAAAAAAAAAY--

NO. DON'T BE HAPPY. DO NOT CELEBRATE FOR ME. It's the worst place I've ever worked. EVER. And believe me, I've worked in many places. BUT THAT... picture this... that job makes me think that prostituition maybe isn't bad at all. And I abhorr prostituition. The only positive thing that I could get off that, is that I was able to make some friendships and new fans, and that led me to more freelance jobs. At least there's that... 

My goal in 2015 is to have a kickass portfolio. So the transition year of 2014 still goes on in 2015. I need to get better. I'm still aiming for Wizards of the Coast. And I swear that I will continue working until I get ONE illustration of mine on Magic the Gathering cards.

One of the reasons I stopped blogging is because I activated my facebook account again. Yeah... Facebook. The best tool for procrastination alright. I wanted to deactivate it again, but I won't do it because I follow so many artists that I admire... Besides that, I really don't have any reason at all to have such toxic social media like Facebook.

So many things happened in 2014... I did my best to resume the entire year. It could have been avoided if I didn't slack around last year so... yeah:

Cheers!

Champagne and Raisins

MERRY "BELATED" CHRISTMAS!

HAPPY "BELATED" NEW YEAR!

so busy... I focused the last month on my drivers license, and I couldn't think of anything else. But oh well... I've started great this year at last, I managed to get my driver's license. FINALLY! Since last year! grr The driving School process was way too slow,  even for me that I managed to pass both exams at first. Well, at least I finally have the driving license which gives me the freedom to go anywhere else whenever I feel like, and go for a ride to ride off the stress and stuff. Which I have a lot.

I've made some studies last month:

Insisted on Landscapes as usual.

Photo references:

Daily Speed paint 30 minutes:

Selfies 1hour each:

Speed paint of Little sister ( the only thing to hold her still was to put Spirited Away movie lol):

I decided to make this post longer since it's my first this year and it has to be memorable. Not just because it's the first but also because I need to resolve my goals for this year. Last year (2013) was the shittiest year I ever had, honestly speaking. For those who have followed this blog, you can tell. Since my nervous breakdown at the beginning of this year, (come to think about it, my health was a real mess last year lol), tendinitis on my left arm, making one of the hardest decisions about not proceeding with college, and trying to give my all to my portfolio... well, SHIT. 2013 was a crap year.

2014 HAS TO BE a great year. To make up for the last one. I will demand myself to make it so. I took my driver's license on the 3rd January so I can foresee that it will be a good year. Even though some of my plans are not going along as I thought.

 Today I'm sad, because one of my main goals of this year won't be fulfilled. It was fundamental indeed, I need money to start my life but that won't happen so soon I'm afraid.

But I need to find another way, I really hope that the best of this year will come. And the positive energies will be in my favor, and grant me the life that I desired a long ago and I deserve. I suffered a lot, I will continue if I have to, if it that's what it takes. And believe it or not but whenever I feel down I discovered early this year that Katy Perry surprinsingly has one song who can get me super motivated and the feeling that I can move mountains stupidily enough because i'm not that a fan of mainstream commercial pop music nowadays but this song is really a kicker for me:

I really hope for the best for this year and I've made the first official Speed painting based on it:

...And you're gonna hear me ROAR.


Cheers.

(Squeeze me) Macaroni

Hello,

Sorry I didn't update like I promised. I've been drawing but not as much as I wanted to. I guess it's not that simple. Coming to Norway and expecting to get well all of a sudden. I wish I could. But no. I still have too much in my mind. But here's what I've been drawing lately. Nothing much.

 Here's a W.I.P of Mike Patton sketch. All done with Copic Markers froma photo reference.

My daily walks. Sunny days are rare here, so this was a beautiful day.

Why can't we save everyone? I hate this. I've been depressed lately. Almost the same as when I had my breakdown. My heart is heavy.  I hate myself for worrying so much about people who don't care. I hate spending a lot of energy for them. But most importantly, I hate seeing friends I care suffering and you can't do anything about it. And even worst, when that person is from your own family. What should I do? They complain about it, they grieve, I see and hear with my own eyes and ears that they are suffering. Their tears are falling, and you wipe them but you feel hopeless for them. I feel useless. I can't even draw properly. I can't think about anything else. Because of how sorry I feel for that person. I don't know if I can recover either but who cares? What's the point of recovering if I constantly see pain in my loved ones? My hands are tied. They cry but I can't do anything.  

"- Why everyone I love pick people who treat us like they're nothing?

- We accept the love we think we deserve. "

 Stephen Chbosky in the Perks of being a Wallflower

Hot Dog

Hello!

This weekend has been very progressive for me, I was able to stay home alone and fully enjoy the silence. I can't remember the last time I was able to experience that. Total silence! It felt so good! Usually I listen to some music to get distracted from annoying noises back there in Portugal. I live in a ghetto, so silence there is nearly unknown to me. If its not gipsies screaming at each other on a daily basis ( and they are my next  door neighbours ) it's dogs barking, or cats fighting, cars drifting, cops sirens... oh well. Just the first day here in Havøysund, I felt renewed. Since I had my breakdown I kinda have a cronic headache. Its not a headache precisely, but it's an uncomfortable sensation on the top of my head. Like if I'm carrying heavy Bible-like books piled up on the top of my head. Although yesterday I felt like it was fading, kinda like a steam pot under pressure releasing the steam. I was able to take off the cork out and release whatever was pressuring my head, just  listening to the sound of silence ( not the music, it's literally the sound of silence, like...you get it...).

The day was going out great for me but the weather wasn't tuned with me at all. I was about to meet my sister at her workplace with her niece, when all of the sudden, I was nearly carried away by the wind. And damn... As if my body wasn't freezing  all over, I thought I would never change my facial expression ever (haha and it wasn't a pleasant one either). And my sister's niece was perfectly normal. Pathetic. She is only 5 years old, and she was the one babysitting me: "Bruna!!! You're doing all wrong. You can get caught on the snow storm...". I know Lianne. I was just... I'm ok. " You have to walk like this whenever the wind hits you". Oh... yeah. I know that. I was about to... lets go home, shall we? 

I drew a few things... But still not satisfied. I'm not forcing anything, but sometimes it is fustrating. I want to draw. Feel like drawing something. Not just "Ok, Bruna. You really need to snap ou of it! DRAW GODDAMMIT DRAW!" No, not this. It will start all over again. 

 what's wrong with this people??? Is it friggin' freezing or its just me...?

I tried to meditate on Saturday. It feels nice, this is the right place for it. But of course, like all the first times it was a mess. Didn't dress properly, uncomfortable positions, tried every positions to reach and... I'm still talking about meditation you pervs. But I'm willing to pratice more. Thanks to my great spiritual-Zen-Fenshui'ish friend Darsy. He taught me how. About 2 months ago. But I googled it. Oh internet...

Oh and... I'm sorry in advance for my mistakes. My english its not very accurate, and by the time you read this I hope it's corrected. My boyfriend checks this blog out for mistakes. He reads, sighs, thinks twice of how a soon-to-be English College Teacher ended up with me and my fabulous delusional good english, and correct it. Argh, come to think about it, I always had boyfriends who made me feel crap about my english. Which is good. It's good to have someone to kick my ego in the nuts. Oh well. I are like these. (IT'S A JOKE HONEY LEAVE IT JUST HOW IT IS!)   

I'm hungry. bye

Scrambled eggs

Hey there,
Since yesterday I've been travelling to Havøysund and I can tell you how much it sucks travelling alone. Yesterday I blogged the last entry on the hotel in Oslo. Why did my sister have to live so damn far away? Oh well. I hate airports. I hate going through security. I don't know why, I always feel guilty. I don't have anything to hide but I always have the weird thought that I might have a chemical weapon which can spread an unknown virus and start a  zombie apocalipse amidst my stuff. Oh well. If I can't bring a bomb at least they are nice enough to grant me a knife on board. Muahaha. I'm not joking they really did.
I've been sketching... Nothing much, though I'm still recovering, and I still use it as a stress relief. I don't have the inspiration or the urge to make something really great. But since I left Portugal I finally feel relaxed, maybe I really had to take a break from what surrounded me back there. Even family and boyfriend. I miss them but my well being screams for rest and meditation. It screams so loud that I can barely feel/hear other feelings like yearning. I have this thing in hotels, it's like a ritual and i'm sure I am not the only one. I love to take immersion baths ( don't know if this is correct I hope you get the point) fill the bathtub with hot steamy water, listening to relaxing music and... The rest is history. :]
I hate this plane to Alta. It's far north of Norway. And the weather sucks big time. It's a place where it has daylight for 6 months and night for other 6 months. Probably this was the last time I enjoyed a good NIGHT of sleep. I won't have any night from now on until June.
Sorry to not upload the photos in the right order. I'm blogging on the phone because I'm lazy.
See ya next time

BrB

Wait....

I just need some rest.

...